Community arts enthusiast & Producer for Creamer & Co., living in East London
Like many of my fellow contributors to this series, I’ve spent the duration of lockdown oscillating between wildly conflicting states of mind. Attempting all the while to maintain a semblance of calm. Some days I achieve this, but there are many days that I don’t. Much of my panic has stemmed from situations in which I felt my ability to make basic decisions for myself had been taken away from me, which in turn has led me to reconsider my priorities and the things I value most in life. In short – what sort of person am I?
It turns out, unsurprisingly, I’m a very different person during a global pandemic. Or, more accurately, I’m many different sorts of person. There are days when I’m optimistic for the future and all I can see are silver linings, but these are countered by the days when I think the world is ending and the global economy will never recover. And then there are the days in between, when I’m bored of the whole thing and have no energy to engage with any of it.
All this to say – we humans are changeable – no matter which version of myself I happen to be on any given day, I know that I might be feeling something utterly different the next day, or even within the next hour. And this, in itself, is comforting. Change is inevitable. It’s just that the change we’re experiencing right now is extreme – we’re being forced to adapt much more quickly than we’re used to. And adapting is precisely what we are all doing, every day – forging pathways through these uncharted waters as best we can. Some days this is cause for celebration, and others dismay – both are equally necessary. Indeed, together they form parts of our emotional apparatus for navigating the unknowable future. And there’s something very powerful in embracing the uncertainty; acknowledging how difficult this is, certain only of our ability to face this global, seismic change, even if we cannot know exactly how this will all play out in the months and years to come.